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Over the weekend I had my 0th Father's Day. My families, excited by the prospects of their first grandchild, included me in the celebration of parenting. So I've gotten to thinking, about the future, mine, Sara's and Rona's. Part of this too I am sure is spurred on by the lamaze class and Sara's nervousness about the impending labor and all that will come after. I've found that lately I just can't be worried (well, I can if I really try but that takes effort and time and I',m pretty busy right now so...) I mean for one we are taking a "class" (we'll use that term loosely) where format is show up to class, general chitchat before we get started, watch a movie--approximately one half hour in length, instructor will pick up the blunt bullet points from film and continue to beat us with them, break, everyone lay down while the instructor talks about getting relaxed, practice breathing (in through nose, out through mouth), announcements we leave. On one level it is reassuring because the class is set up to ensure that the lowest common denominator gets edjamacated 'bout birthin' If it were to move at a pace aimed at Sara and myself I am sure the class take no more than half the time, probably less. Sara doesn't seem to find it as reassuring, but I remain certain that we both will (as the kids say) "Fuck that shit up."
And the rest of it too. I'm not worried that I'm going to mentally scar my daughter, or that I won't be able to provide for food, clothing etc for her. Hell I'm not even really too worried about losing my job (something I feel I kind of constantly walk in danger of due to my attitude and the crappiness that is my current job.) One way or another we'll all pull through, and there may be hard times or lean times or times where we all want to stab each other in the eyes with utensils that may or may not have been designed for stabbing. That is kinda what family is about and now I've got my own.
Mostly I am excited because Sara says there was no way she could stop Rona from purchasing the materials for our first collaborative art project: a frame and glass, matting and clay for the imprints of tiny hands and feet. And I'm pretty sure that's a good sign.
And the rest of it too. I'm not worried that I'm going to mentally scar my daughter, or that I won't be able to provide for food, clothing etc for her. Hell I'm not even really too worried about losing my job (something I feel I kind of constantly walk in danger of due to my attitude and the crappiness that is my current job.) One way or another we'll all pull through, and there may be hard times or lean times or times where we all want to stab each other in the eyes with utensils that may or may not have been designed for stabbing. That is kinda what family is about and now I've got my own.
Mostly I am excited because Sara says there was no way she could stop Rona from purchasing the materials for our first collaborative art project: a frame and glass, matting and clay for the imprints of tiny hands and feet. And I'm pretty sure that's a good sign.