Brief Scenes From Company Training

[toosuto]

All in all I am a lot less freaked out by my new work environment. Which may surprise some, but maybe not others. I don't know.

I was surprised by how many people were my age or older. Also: apparently Magic the Gathering doesn't make one a pariah either (even if I think it maybe should). Still I am not 100% sure that they are ready for someone like me. For example when asking people to spitball answers I tend to fall back on capricious whimsy and my improv training: go with the first idea. An example:

Q: What sort of problems could hinder your initial interaction with customers?

• The customer is drenched in blood.
  
• The customer is has severed appendages extending from shopping bags.
  
• I'M A ROCK!
  
• The customer IS A ROCK!
  
• The customer is at home.
  
• The customer is Nazi Carrot with a secondary head screaming in German for all the other vegetables to be thrown into the oven.
  

Granted, most of this was a little internal monologue I had with myself--thankfully. Although item the first did pass my lips to the coworker sitting next to me. Other examples of their unreadiness came when we were divided into small groups.

GROUP LEADER: Ok we need to come up with a list of 5 new things that no else knows about you.
COWORKER1: I used to drive a truck for UPS.
COWORKER2: (indicating the GROUP LEADER) I was a substitute teacher at your children's store.
GROUP LEADER: (making notes) Really?
COWORKER3: I am currently in cosmotology school.
ME: I kill and eat hobos for fun.
COWORKER1: The spiders!?
COWORKER2: (simultaneously) Eeeww.
ME: Um, no. I mean bums. Like from the train yard.
GROUP LEADER: I think maybe you should tell us something different about yourself.
ME: Well I'm married and have .4 children.
COWORKER2: wouldn't that be ".4 child"
ME: No, I'm pretty sure the plural is appropriate in that sentence.

(A Short Interlude Ensues)

GROUP LEADER: All right, just one more thing new about ourselves. Myself I go bowling with my mom on Friday mornings.
COWORKER1: I also work at Pottery Barn.
COWORKER2: I have no husband, boyfriend or pets.
COWORKER3: I graduated from CV high school.
Pause.
ME: (attempting to come with something inncocuous) I strongly dislike the daughter of Rene Auberjonois.
GROUP LEADER: Who?
ME: Rene Auberjonois. He used to be on Benson. I think he was the mayor. It's been a while. Anyway I didn't think she was very nice.
(Blank Looks)
COWORKER2: Who?
ME: He played Odo on Star Treck: Deep Space 9? He's a character actor, he's done a lot of sci-fi work.
COWORKER3: Yeah, I don't think I'm old enough to know who he is.
GROUP LEADER: (To COWORKER 4) Do you have a favorite song or musical?
COWORKER4: Ummmmm.
ME: (sighs) Sweeney Todd by Sondheim.

So yeah. I am definitely an odd fit, but I am pretty sure I will be "that odd guy everyone likes but why can't I understand every other reference/sentence out of his mouth." Also my brief story about being this close to getting into Sean Bean's pants fell completely flat. Humorless bastards all of them.

On other fronts: the smithling is now being referred to by my family as "the Little Avocado" on account that it is approximately the size of an avocado. Go figure.

Comments

I love "the smithling"

[mrsbrewer.livejournal.com]

Well, the employee discount would soon come in handy at Gap Kids.

Re: I love "the smithling"

[toosuto.livejournal.com]

oh it certainly will. I am keeping my fingers crossed otherwise who knows where I'll be when the little avacado pops!